I NEED YOUR HELP. . .

I love films. Films of all kinds. Action, comedy, drama, thriller, horror, animated, short, feature. . .it doesn’t matter. I love them all.

In years past, I’ve made resolutions (of sorts–I hate resolutions) to watch a certain number of films from a certain genre or a certain year, or that have won certain awards. It’s never been a public declaration (as I suppose it is about to be this year), but this year I wanted help with my selections.

I want to watch documentaries this year. My goal is lofty: 1 per week. I also hope to write something about each film I watch. Here’s the problem: the genre of documentaries can be as vast (if not more so) as all of the rest of the genres of films combined.

So, what are the best you’ve seen? What are the must see films? What made you think? What would you say is a documentary I HAVE to see?

My goal is to get at least the next few months covered from your recommendations. Either throw them in the comments below, tweet them to me with the hashtag #docrec, or post them on my Facebook page. Ideally, I’d like to find ones that I can view easily on Netflix or rent through Apple, but I’m not opposed to watching them in any form. I already have one “slated” to be seen in the theatre when it premiers at some point this year, but I still need your recomendations.

Also, if you’re interested in watching any of these and discussing them (over water, coffee, or an adult beverage), I’d love to do that as well. There’s a fantastic brewery not far from here with large tables that would be great for a discussion of sorts.

So throw your recomendations at me, I’ll compile a list (and try really hard to adhere to it). . .and we’ll see where this goes. Either way, wish me luck.

~wookie

“Merry Christmas, I love you”

This time of year means a lot of things to a lot of people. Foods, smells, sounds, sights. . .all conjure up memories of seasons past and take you back to a time or a place. . .

This time of year always reminds me of Red Springs, North Carolina. I was young. It was hot.

I don’t recall what the temperature was outside, but inside it was not a single degree below 89. It couldn’t have been.

My grandfather’s home on Peachtree Street was undoubtedly the ~~warmest house in America~~ hottest place on earth. My grandfather had built (by hand) a wood-burning stove that had a blower motor on the bottom that could have heated the neighborhood. But it didn’t. It only heated his home.

It was so hot inside that house that the wall paper sagged. Glasses of ice water evaporated in minutes. To a kid of less than 10, I was certain this is what the surface of the sun felt like.

We sat around in our underwear sweating (which immediately evaporated) and we watched Carolina basketball. It was so hot and dry that breathing through your nose made it whistle. There were several times I was sure there was a stoppage in play in the game, but alas, it was just my father taking a deep breath.

My grandfather sat in the corner of the living room watching the game on TV and listening to Woody Durham call the game on the radio. There was a delay between the picture on the TV and the call on the radio. It was somewhat surreal. Before I was old enough to understand what was happening, I was certain my grandfather had a television that told the future as the events always happened several moments before we heard them unfold on the radio.

Conversation was sparse.

“That was a good shot. Now get back on D” was followed by five minutes of silence.

I don’t know if we were just silent in observance of the games, or we were afraid to expend the energy necessary to speak out of fear of generating just enough excess heat to cause spontaneous combustion.

We stuck to the furniture–and it was cloth.

My grandfather would occasionally look across the room over the top of his glasses and ask, “Is anyone cold?”

Cold?

There was no correct answer to this question, as no matter how you responded there was only one ultimate response: one more log on the fire.

My grandfather used welders gloves to open the hatch on the furnace. It glowed from heat. Opening the doors exposed everyone in the room to a blast of heat that would singe the hairs on the inside of your nose. The furnace, when opened, looked like an angry monster that breathed fire and was ready to eat any amount of wood you could place inside of it–and immediately be ready to take on more. We have often joked that this furnace could hold nearly a cord of wood. Thinking back on it now, I’m not certain it was a joke. In my childhood, this thing was larger than life.

My grandfather would place piece after piece of dried wood in that monster, stoke the fire, close the door, and walk across the living room in his flannel lined pants and his flannel button up (with a thermal undershirt) and sit back down to continue to pull for the Heels.

He was satisfied. He had provided. His people were safe from the cold.

I was miserable.

I wish I knew then what I now know.

That stove was provision. Security. Love. It kept us warm and it was his way of showing just how much he loved us. For a man of few words, it was gestures like these that said quite simply, “I love you.” And, judging by the temperature in that living room, he loved us far more than I could have ever imagined.

I often wonder if the current occupants in that house appreciate that stove. I wonder if they even use it. . .

This Christmas, I hope you take time to recognize the person in your life throwing logs into the fire. The person who maybe doesn’t say it, but shows you just how much they love you. Maybe its by cooking you a meal, opening a car door, shoveling off your drive way, or writing you a post that hopefully makes you smile.

In a multitude of ways, and with all of the hope I have, Merry Christmas–I love you all.

The End of an Era

I have always been a fan of the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). I remember renting (on VHS) the original UFC fights and watching them with Dad in our old apartment. I don’t know precisely why I’ve always loved it, but the strategy, the combat. . .all of it has always had me on the edge of my seat.

The sport has evolved in the twenty or so years I’ve been watching it as fighters have become multi-disciplined, and the rules have changed (disallowing direct intentional groin shots–1:15 in this video for those who don’t know what I’m talking about). The personalities have changed too. From absolute over the top, incendiary guys like Tito Ortiz, to quiet/reserved beasts like Anderson Silva, the UFC has gotten so much better at selling their fighters as well as they sell the actual fights.

One of my favorite fighters is Urijah Fabr. He’s a beast in the cage but seems to be a true gem outside of the cage. He looks like a friend of mine (Pastor Matthew Bradham)–serisously, has anyone ever seen them together at the same time–I didn’t think so:

The California Kid (Faber’s nickname) has an impressive 33-10 record, and is a former WEC title holder (he held that belt for an amazing 2 years). Tonight, in his hometown of Sacramento, Faber puts on the gloves and enters the cage for the last time. I’ll be rooting for him, but win or lose, I’m going to be a fan of this guy and his fighting for years to come.

An era in the sport of mixed martial arts ends tonight. That era isn’t the era I want to write about though.

Another era ended today. This era ended more quietly, and perhaps even more appropriately, with a prayer.

Today was the last graduation at Campbell University which would include long-time University Registrar, J. David McGirt–my father. Of course, I’m biased. Of course I am.

I grew up on the campus of Campbell University. It has always been home to me. It will always be home to me. My entire life (and some years before I was born), my father has been a part of Campbell University. If you’re a former student in the last 40 years, he registered you for classes, he processed your grades, he sent out your transcripts, he organized your graduation (he did none of this alone–he has been blessed with some of the best teammates ever in the history of office staffs–and he’ll be the first to give them the majority, if not all, of the credit).

He has spent thousands of hours counseling students to make sure their academic goals are achieved, he has evaluated more transcripts than he could ever count, and he has been out on the lawn in front of D. Rich at 4:00 in the morning with his staff and some very able ROTC volunteers placing every graduating student’s name on rows of string he laid out the night before to make sure that every graduate knew exactly where they were lining up for their big day.

When the president handed a student their diploma, my dad handed it to the president:

His office printed the diploma hanging on your wall, and processed every single transcript you needed for graduate school or a job. . .

The campus has changed. There are co-ed dorms (different floors for men and women), we have football, traffic circles, a new gym, a medical school, a school of engineering, the Law School has moved to Raleigh, Barnes and Noble runs the bookstore, and we even have a Starbucks.

There’s a new president, a new dean at the School of Business, a new women’s basketball coach, and in January there will be a new Registrar too.

When I got my undergraduate diploma, then President Wiggins saw me coming and stepped aside and allowed my father to hand me my diploma. When I got my MBA, the acting dean of the business school also stepped aside and allowed my father to hood me:

Having a dad as the registrar of your college wasn’t easy. It was literally impossible to hide a grade from my parents as he literally processed them all. I remember one conversation very vividly:

“Son, how do you think you finished up this semester?”

“Pretty decent. I’m thinking I could have done better in a class or two.”

“Which ones?”

“Well mainly History.”

“How do you think you did in that class?”

“I think I got a B.”

“Ok. Try again.”

“No way!! I got an A?!?”

He laughs. But not a funny laugh. “Try again.”

“Oh no. I got a C?”

“Try again.”

That said, my dad never interfered. He never loomed over me (as he easily could have), he was never in contact with my professors to inquire about my academic well being (as clearly he should have been), yet he was always there if I needed him. I knew where to find him, and could go by his office any time I needed him, but he let me live my life, and learn (and fail), and pick myself up again, and learn to be a man.

There are so many people who have left their indelible mark on that campus. There are many still there who continue to do so. From professors, to physical plant workers, to deans, to presidents, to coaches, to cafeteria staff… Campbell has always been about people–about family. Perhaps that’s why I’m always drawn to Buies Creek. Perhaps that’s why I always look to hire Campbell graduates. Campbell is a family. I am confident Campbell will always be a family.

Many students will never know all the things that go into their graduation service (many fewer truly will realize all of the working pieces that go into their education). My dad never did his job to the best of his ability for recognition, or for money, or to climb the corporate ladder. He did it for each and every student that has ever entered that institution and for the fortunate few who were able to matriculate and take that walk across the stage.

I know that the McGirt mark on Campbell’s campus won’t be on the outside of a building, a name on a court, or in the form of an honorary class room (it has been a long running joke in our family that they may one day name a bathroom after him). My dad leaves behind a silent, stoic legacy. He is respected, trusted, and admired by most that knew him and worked with him. He made life a little bit easier for many who will never even know that his is the signature on their grades.

For two of the proudest moments in my life, my dad was right there, handing me (or hooding me) what I had worked so hard for. I knew he was proud. I could see it through my own tears–plus he told me.

Today, I’m the proud one. My father culminated a 47 year career with the following prayer:

“My, how I love this place. Would you pray with me?

Heavenly Father and Holy Shepherd of us all. I believe that you have called us all here. Every candidate, every parent, every supporter–all who have made this place a sanctuary, and a place from which to commence. Father, these grandparents, and parents, siblings, spouses and guests gathered here today have done well by these graduates. I have looked around, observed this audience and have seen the love, the joy, the apprehension perhaps–the relief in their faces. And even as I am praying, many other prayers are bing lifted up for them on their behalf. Father, we commit these candidates and their families to Your care. But Father, we can not give them up. They are we, and they are ones with us forever. They are Campbell. They carry our hopes and dreams forward with them. Please Father continue to let your light shine upon this place and those assmembled here. Guide our steps forward from this place. Use these new graduates in Your world where and when they can do the most to glorify You and further Your kingdom. Father, many of those among us this morning are serving, or will soon be serving, or have family members in our military service throughout the world. Please protect them and bring them home safely. Father, on this side of paradise, this assembly will not gather this way again. Until we rejoice again together, abide with us and grant us Thy comfort and care. In Jesus name and for His sake we pray, Amen.”

I am proud of my dad. I am proud to be a Camel. I am proud to be a McGirt. Every single day–but especially today.

Help me vote for Hillary (no really. . .please)

She looks so happy here. . .come on. . .help me out. — “You know you want to vote for me.”

I want to vote for Hillary. I swear I do. While the alternative simply sucks, I want to be a part of the generation of people that flips the lever towards the direction of our first woman president.

Yes, I am a republican. I have voted republican in every single presidential election in my lifetime (except the first time I got to vote–I threw my vote away on Ross Perot). I have always tended to flip the lever (or fill in the circle) for the candidate with the (in my opinion) more sound fiscal policy. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become far more moderate in my personal politics, but for the most part I’ve still managed to vote conservatively.

This time, I really want to cross party lines. I really want to vote liberal. There are a litany of reasons that I want to vote for Hillary, but there are several things keeping me from doing so.

This is a legitimate plea to my liberal friends (and liberals I don’t know yet): please help me get over these obstacles so I can vote for Hillary:

Benghazi:. I don’t know the whole story, and I won’t pretend that anyone actually does. Here’s what I do know: Clinton lied about a youtube.com video being the cause for the attack. Clinton sat in meetings for a couple of hours while the fight was happening wasting valuable time while our troops on the ground were being killed. These are two huge strikes for me. Huge. Help me get over this–someone–please. (Source: factcheck.org)
Stolen Items: I don’t know any other way to ask for help on this one. The number varies from source to source, but the Clintons took somewhere between $50,000 and $100,000 in gifts and items when they left the White House. That’s just thievery. What am I missing on this one? Returning it/making amends. . .I get it. The fact of the matter is that it happened. The fact of the matter is that the woman running to be my president took things that didn’t belong to her. Help me get over this one too.
The Obama’s trashed her: I don’t care to call this one, “politics.” Maybe this is part of the problem with our election process, but when Obama first ran against Hillary he made it very clear she wasn’t trustworthy, going as far as saying, “She’ll say whatever it takes to get elected.” I remember that. I remember that clearly. Why has that perception changed? What has happened in the last 8 years that makes her completely trustworthy…all of a sudden? Trump being a hot dumpster fire doesn’t make Hillary trustworthy. I’m struggling with this one too.
Emails/Personal Server: I’m having perhaps the most difficulty with this one. This is the one that I truly struggle mightily with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m bothered by the other three, but I don’t even remotely understand this one. I can’t buy that the Secretary of State thought that a personal e-mail server was kosher. To take that a step further, if she was sure this was an, “ok” thing, why did everyone from the POTUS to her own daughter have code names? Does that feel dirty to anyone but me? If you don’t feel like you have something to hide, why go to all of the trouble of concealing who you’re talking to? That’s not all though: I have a dear friend who is in military intelligence. This person has clerarance and if he even thought about doing the same thing that Hillary did, he’d be in Leavenworth. Take one look at General Petraeus–one (singular) charge of mishandling classified information (and he “mishandled” it to someone else’s with top secret clearance), and he was completely vilified. Why the double standard? Why are we as a country less concerned with the woman running for president than we are with someone who would have ultimately reported to her? It’s not, “just e-mails.” Saying that makes this less than what it is. She’s still being actively investigated by the FBI. Let’s say I vote for her. . .and she wins. . .am I really ultimately just voting for her VP? I know nothing about him. To me, this is a very big deal, and I need to get past this one before I can flip the lever in her direction.

I understand her appeal. She’s appealing to me. I like most of her social policies. I agree with a lot of the things she stands for. I’m not good with our current healthcare, but at least we have a starting point. I’m not going to let the minor things I agree or disagree with sway me on this vote. I loathe what Trump says, but I am struggling with what she does. If I can get over these things–logically, I’ll sprint to the voting booth for her. If I can’t get over these things, I legitimately don’t know what I’ll do at this point.

Anyone got any ideas?

Affordable? Care Act

Pandora’s box: opened.

As I sit to write this, I want to make a few things clear:

I work in healthcare as a mid to high level administrator
The opinions in this piece are mine. They do not represent the opinions of my employer, anyone I work with, or the guy down the street who has a Trump sign in his yard.
This isn’t about politics. This is about healthcare.
I love what I do. I love what I do because I know that my job makes a difference in the health of our patients.

An important distinction needs to be made up front. There is a difference between healthcare (doctors, hospitals, clinics. . .) and insurance. The entire system is systemically broken because money and people are involved. Money and people will always be involved, so to a certain extent, I believe the system will always be broken in a way.

THE “VALUE” OF HEALTHCARE

Let’s go back a bit in history. Let’s go back to a time when doctors traveled on horseback or horse-drawn carriage to farmhouses to treat sick patients. The doctor brought his black bag and stethoscope and performed his/her service and received a fee. Many times, this fee wasn’t cash. Why? Because the service was not, “affordable.” It was still paid for. The fee was paid in labor, goods, promise of future monies. . . The point is that it was paid for. It was paid for because it was valuable. It was necessary. Not everyone had access to care, and not everyone who did have access didn’t have conventional methods of paying, but they still paid.

Today, things are different. As a country, we have determined that none can be turned away from an accredited hospital based on their ability to pay. We have established, “free” clinics for those who can’t afford medical care. We have government programs that aid those who fall into a certain income range which help or completely cover healthcare. We have federally qualified community health centers to help ease the medical burden in lower income areas. . .

I’m not getting into the argument of whether person “a” deserves healthcare because of their ability to pay, but I feel like we have made healthcare worthless to some people. By making it free, and assigning a value of zero to healthcare services, we have removed the worth from the service. Not for everyone. But for many. I only point this out to state that there is a value to healthcare. It is worth something. It is worth “paying” for. That’s not up for debate to me.

HOW WE BROKE THE SYSTEM

Imagine with me (if you will) that you’re hungry. You pull into your local fast food chain, walk inside, tell them that you’re hungry, they ask a few questions to determine your hunger level, and hand you a bag with food and you leave. You look inside the bag with some surprise to see what they gave you, you eat it, your hunger is cured. Three weeks later you get a bill in the mail for the food they gave you (that they decided you needed) and you’re now expected to pay it. “Wait just one minute,” you exclaim, “I mean sure, I ate the hamburger, and the fries, and the ice cream sunday, but I would have been just fine with just a hamburger.” Now you’re irate. You didn’t order that, and you don’t even think you needed all that. . .but now what? How long would that type of system last? How long would fast food chains remain open?

Our current medical system isn’t all that different. It’s the only industry that I can think of (please comment below if you can think of another) where you show up with a problem, are seen by a professional, are completely at their discretion for what you are charged, aren’t immediately told what you’re charged, and yet are expected to pay whatever bill you receive. And hey–it gets even worse. Often, you only get a number code with little or no description of what was performed along with the charge you’re now expected to pay. Sure, you can go to a different doctor, but the process is generally the same.

You wouldn’t tolerate this in any other industry, but it is the accepted practice in medicine.

I’m not advocating a mass protest against the industry’s fee for service algorithm, I’m just pointing out one area where I believe we can make massive improvements.

AFFORDABLE CARE ACT

Is it though? Is it really affordable?

Some folks have access to healthcare in a way they never have before. This? This is a good thing. Some folks can’t afford care and have been priced out of even basic preventative healthcare. This? This is a bad thing. And, it gets even worse. For folks in the latter group (who can’t afford healthcare) who decide not to take a plan in the marketplace, they are taxed for their inability to afford the “affordable” plan. (Look, I get it…you want to have a semantic debate over whether it’s a tax or a penalty or a fee. . .but that’s not the point is it? The point is to get affordable healthcare into the hands of all so why are we penalizing people who can’t afford it? Call it whatever you want to–it’s still an unaffordable fee for those who can’t afford healthcare. This? This is an insult.)

There are some good things about Obamacare:

Improved access to basic healthcare
Improved access to basic (and advanced) healthcare plans
Improved guidelines for care
Standardization of visit types
The start of data mining for health outcomes

I’m sure there are some more good things about it, and I don’t pretend to have listed them all. I just want it to be plainly known that I don’t think it is all bad.

IT’S MOSTLY BAD THOUGH

I don’t believe people should be forced to buy a healthcare plan through the federal government’s marketplace. Let’s not be confused about a simple fact: you have to have healthcare in America if you don’t want to pay a tax/fee/penalty. That’s not, “free healthcare.” Not even close. Let’s stop calling it free or affordable. If it isn’t affordable for all, then it isn’t affordable. That’s basic english.

The plans are confusing. I’ve spoken to multiple patients and family members who legitimately didn’t understand what they were signing up for. This? This is bad.

The plans aren’t equal. The benefits allowed from one plan to another and from one company to another aren’t equal. Maybe this should be included in the area of “confusing” but there are many folks who get to the healthcare exchange and believe that by clicking on the most economical plan, they now have free universal healthcare. Why?? Because that’s what they hear in the media. That’s what gets votes. This isn’t true. In this country, there is no such thing currently as free universal-cover-it-all-whenever-whatever-you-want healthcare.

“Preventative medicine” doesn’t mean what you think it means. This is important as preventative medicine is what’s truly, “free” in most plans. Zero co-pay, zero co-insurance. Preventative medicine/Annual Visit is not a time for you to bring a laundry list of complaints to your primary care provider. It’s not a time to save up all of your potential medical concerns and cover them in one hour. It’s a time where your doctor will ask you a basic set of questions, run some standard blood tests and if all comes back normal–see you in a year. As soon as you start to talk about your sleep troubles, your occasional indigestion, your intermittent knee pain…it’s no longer a preventative medicine visit, and thusly no longer considered a, “free” visit. You don’t have to agree with that. You don’t have to think that’s right or wrong. That’s not why I bring it up. I bring it up as a point of clarification.

It’s too political. At some point, the healthcare discussion stopped being about actual healthcare and instead both sides decided to use it as a primary method to take shots at the other side. Stop it. Keep it about health. Keep it about patients. Keep it about what’s best for the patient, not what’s best for the party.

The government is involved. Ronald Regan once said, “Government is not the solution to the problem. Government is the problem,” and I tend to agree. Government programs aren’t flawless. In fact, and in many instances, they are the most flawed programs in this country. Giving healthcare to the government to manage is a mistake. How many policy makers really understand healthcare? How many policy makers really understand what happens in an exam room, an operating theatre, an emergency department? 1%? Why are they making the decisions?

The emergency room isn’t your primary care provider. Hospitals are expensive. Hell, all healthcare is expensive, but in the hierarchy of costs, hospital care is at the top–and there isn’t a close second. The emergency room should be reserved for emergencies. Obstructed airways, unconscious/unresponsive persons, trauma, etc. Not, a cold, a sore throat, a hangnail, tooth pain, twisted ankles, etc. The cost of using the emergency room is exponentially higher than using a primary care provider. At some point, it became acceptable to go to the emergency room for whatever ailed you and this has been one of the highest drivers in the increasing cost of health care.

HOW WE FIX IT

Again, this is my opinion. These are my thoughts. These are not the thoughts of a political party–these are the thoughts of a guy who cares deeply about patient care.

Firstly, get rid of the insulting tax/penalty/fee. If you decide you don’t want to pay for healthcare (as many healthy individuals have decided for one reason or another), you shouldn’t be penalized for it. If a family of four above the poverty line but still in a range where healthcare isn’t affordable decide to do without health insurance, they shouldn’t be taxed for making that decision. That’s simple. That’s easy.

Increased education. We have no problem forcing students to learn about generals in the civil war in a high school civics class, but that in no way prepares them for the real world. Healthcare education is something that people need to know. What is healthcare? What constitutes a visit? What do you get? What is excluded? This needs to be taught and it needs to be learned before you need healthcare–then it’s too late. You don’t want it in schools? Ok. Lets have seminars. . .educational sessions. . .whatever it takes.

Make it valuable. Healthcare shouldn’t be an entitlement program. We have removed the, “worth.”

Put healthcare professionals in charge of it. Let doctors make the decisions. Let healthcare professionals design the plan. I promise you the plan will be better, more inclusive, and more cost effective than any government designed plan.

Make healthcare billing more transparent. People should understand what they are being charged or what they could be charged prior to receiving the service.

Get rid of fee for service. Now, this is already starting to occur and it is needed. Badly. When doctors (hospitals/systems) are compensated based on the service they perform, they are incentivized to perform more services. It’s how they are paid. The more, “things” they do, the more money they receive. In contrast, we need a system based on patient population health. Again, we are already moving in this direction. Doctors need to be compensated based on keeping people out of the hospital, keeping people out of the emergency room–and this is coming.

Keep emergency rooms for emergencies. Look, this is a tenuous line. I understand that. Some people have a very different view of what is an emergency to them and I understand that–but there should be a disincentive for overutilization of the emergency department for individuals who incorrectly overutilize it. Currently, none exists. Costs continue to be driven up as people utilize the emergency room for primary care.

I DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE

This has to be an ongoing discussion. What we have isn’t working, and it won’t ever work in its current state. Stop clinging to it as a means of political party affiliation. Until people from both political parties agree that its really only a start (not even a good start. . .just a start) we aren’t going to get anywhere. I’m not saying your political party sucks because you support the current plan, nor am I saying your party is good because you disagree with the current plan. . .I’m saying the plan is bad and we need to fix it.

Stop. Step back. Take a real look at it. Look at Medicare (which everyone agrees will be bankrupt in a matter of years), look at Medicaid (which is being accepted by fewer and fewer providers because of the bureaucratic red tape involved with it), take a look at the VA. . .all of these are the government’s response to, “health care.” Do we really need more of that? Do we really need more of the already broken systems that exist?

Beyoncé: My worst show ever

The crowd was pulsing. It was packed. I could have picked my feet up off the concrete floor and not fallen down. We were all one sweaty mass. One person swayed, we all swayed. We were one giant multi-faced being. Wide eyed. Nine Inch Nails blared through the speakers. “It comes down to this. . .” We all sang in unison.

There was a white curtain from the ceiling to the floor of the stage–concealing everything behind.

The lights suddenly went out. The music became eery. Like a very dark choir. It was a minor key. Everyone pushed a little closer to the stage. We were all angry, but in a good way. Angry in a way that we were about to experience a release. . .and we were only subdued by the fact that we knew a release was forthcoming.

Blinding light from behind the stage illuminated the whole room. We all squinted. There was a sole shadowed figure in the center of the stage. Arms raised. Fists clinched. The bass shook the room. Quarter notes at half time started shaking everything that wasn’t nailed down.

“He is the angel with the scabbed wings/Hard-drug face, want to power his nose/he will deflower the freshest crop/dry up all the wombs with his rock and roll sores/with his rock and roll sores.”

The curtain is immediately sucked up into the ceiling, a wall of sound pushed us all back, it was so loud it was barely tolerable, and Marilyn Manson didn’t stop for the next 90 minutes. That was an entrance. That made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It’s important to note here that I’m not particularly a Manson fan. I don’t care for the lyrics generally, and I’m not a fan of, “weird for the sake of weird.” I am a fan of live music, and I have a rule that I’ll see anyone once.

I’ve seen thousands of shows. Stadium and arena shows to me always carry an air of anticipation to see how the, “artist” comes out. How do they make their grand entrance? I’ve seen drums fall from the rafters Lead singers appear in mist. Bands make their way to the stage from in the crowd. Singers lowered in. . . I’ve seen so many exciting entrances to a show.

Then there was tonight. A 200 foot tall double-sided screen was fixed to a rotating base in the middle of the stage. The lights went out, the screen flickered and rotated. Occasional images of Beyoncé flashed and filled the screen. The crowd screamed every time they saw her face. Smoke filled the stage as the screen was 90 degrees from its starting point (after it had made several full rotations). Beyoncé and her dancers just walked in. In formation. To, “Formation.”

It felt lackluster to me. The bass was crushing, but it was canned. There was no live instrumentation. It was tracked. I wondered if the vocals were tracked too. The crowd sang more of the first song than she did. The crowd seemed to be into it, and I appreciated that, but I wasn’t. I tried. I tried really hard.

I made it an hour. The same dance moves repeated in different costumes. There was a lot of crotch and butt on the screen. The fans were blowing hair all over the place. The screen rotated some more. Beyoncé sang some more. It just never got, “good” to me.

I had a hard time with the no musicians thing. There was a drummer and a guitar player who played brief, solo interludes while Beyoncé changed costumes, but the show itself was taped.

Having just released, “Lemonade” I felt like this was an extension of that, “experience.” She released a, “visual album” and this seemed to repeat many of the #feels from that. That was my problem though, I could have stayed at home and seen this.

I made it an hour. I looked at my companion and was asked, “you good? I’ve been ready for about half an hour.” 12 of us left at the same time. On the way out I heard someone say, “this is my third show of hers and by far the worst.” I was comforted in the fact that I was not alone in thinking it was lacking.

I get it. She’s not my bag. She isn’t my go-to artist, ~~and aside from my moments of release alone in the car with no one watching while I scream, “Irreplaceable” or, “Survivor” I rarely listen to her.~~ (Omit this–never admit this–not even to your friends). I also know that she does it for some people. I hope this was enjoyed by those that do. Sincerely. I know one couple who have really been looking forward to tonight and I hope it was the best show they’ve seen this year.

For me though, this show now holds the spot of the worst show I’ve ever seen. Congratulations, Rufus Wainwright…you’ve been dethroned.

Beyonce has a mad.

“Lemonade.”

Apparently it’s a visual album. Whatever that means. Can it be an album if it’s visual? Whatever, that’s by far secondary to anything else, Beyoncé real mad. Real mad.

Apparently, life (or maybe more appropriately Jay-Z) gave her some lemons so she made an album, “Lemonade”

This, “album” on my fist pass seems to point to the fact that Sean Carter has stepped out on the lovely Beyoncé, and she seems none too pleased with her man.

Some Lyrics:

“You can taste the dishonesty/It’s all over your breath as you pass it off so cavalier/But even that’s a test/Constantly aware of it all/My lone ear pressed against the walls of your world/Prayin’ I catch you whispering/I’m prayin’ you catch me listening. . .” (Pray You Catch Me)

“Something don’t feel right cause it ain’t right/Especially comin’ up after midnight/I smell your secret, and I’m not too perfect to ever feel this worthless/How did come down to this?/Going through your call list/I don’t wanna lose my pride. but I’ma f**k me up a b**ch/Know that I kept it sexy and know I kept I fun/Theres something that I’m missing maybe my head for one” (Hold Up)

“Who the f**k do you think I is?/You aint married to no average b**ch boy/ you can watch my fat ass twist boy/As I bounce to the next d**k boy/And keep your money, I got my own/Get a bigger smile on my face bing alone…” (Don’t Hurt Yourself feat. Jack White)

“Dos you want to say you’re sorry/Now you want to call me crying/Now you gotta see me wilding/Now I’m the one that’s lying/And I don’t feel bad about it/It’s exactly what you get/Stop interrupting my grinding/I ain’t thinking ’bout you/Sorry, I ain’t sorry/I ain’t thinking ’bout you…” (Sorry)

“Ten times out of nine, I know you’re lying/But nine times outta ten, I know you’re trying/So I’m trying to be fair and you’re trying to be there and to care/And you’re caught up in your permanent emotions/All the loving I’ve been giving goes unnoticed/It’s just floating in the air, lookie there/Are you aware you’re my lifeline, are you trying to kill me?/If I wasn’t me, would you still feel me?/Like on my worst day?/Or am I not thirsty enough?/I don’t care about the lights or the beams/Spend my life in the dark for the sake of you and me. . .” (Love Drought)

“We built sandcastles that washed away/I made you cry when I walked away/And although I promised that I couldn’t stay/Baby, every promise don’t work out that way/Dishes smashed on my counter from our last encounter/Pictures snatched out the frame/B**ch, I scratched out your name and your face/What is it about that I can’t erase, baby?/Well every promise don’t work out that way. . .” (Sandcastles)

“Found the truth beneath your lies/And true love never has to hide/I’ll trade your broken wings for mine/I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crime/. . .Give you some time to prove that I can trust you again. . . (All Night)

There are 12 tracks on this album and at least 10 of them have the feel of a jilted lover. 10. So like I said, Beyoncé has a mad.

Theme aside, the album is. . .good? I’m admittedly not the world’s biggest Beyoncé fan, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is a force in the music industry. She’s a, “thing” and like her or not, her abilities in her craft have to be respected.

If you’re a fan of her’s, then this album is going to be right up your alley.

Interesting side note: right in the middle of the album is a country track. I’ll give that a second to sink in. Yeah, a country track. “Daddy Lessons” is absolutely a country track and might be the best overall tune on the album. If it isn’t, it’s a close second only to, “Sandcastles.” Both tracks are well crafted musically and lyrically. Other standouts include, “Don’t hurt yourself” (but that’s probably because its Jack White), and The Weeknd lays support on another great track, “6 Inch.”

I’ve heard it (and seen it??) now, and like most of her work, there’s only a track or two that I’ll go back to, but it is certainly interesting–not only as a visual album, but as an outright angry piece of work.

Worth checking out, but for me, not worth owning. It’s a solid 3 out of 5 stars.

Check it out here: Tidal, or for the rest of the day today (Sunday 4/24/16 on HBO Now, or HBO GO).

The Time I made that woman cry in Bed Bath & Beyond

No good deed goes unpunished. Went to Bed Bath and Beyond for Dad this morning to check to see if they had an item in stock. A specific K-Cup coffee maker. This conversation occurs in the area of the coffee makers as i’m standing in front of the k-cup pots:

“You know you’re killing the environment with those machines right?”
I turn slowly unsure if the shrill voice is directed at me, “You talking to me ma’am? Because I’m looking at coffee makers.”
“Yes, those K-cup machines kill the environment.”
“Ma’am, do you just hang out here in Bed Bath and Beyond to protest the purchase of coffee makers?”
“No, but I saw you over here and hoped I’d help save the environment.”
“Interesting, so what kind of hybrid do you drive?”
“I drive a non hybrid Subaru, but it is zero emissions.”
I smile from ear to ear and say, “ma’am, that’s not possible. An internal combustion engine is not zero emissions.”
“BUT I PAID EXTRA FOR A ZERO EMISSIONS CAR.”
“Well, that’s fantastic for you, but you might as well have paid for an invisible jet. You got neither.”
“I paid an extra $3,000 for zero emissions.”
“Does it have a tail pipe?”
“Yes, I actually just had the muffler replaced.”
“What do you think it’s there for–the tailpipe? Why do you think that’s a part of the engineering of the car? Do you think Subaru put it there for looks or do you think that pipe actually emits the exhaust from your gasoline powered engine? Maybe you should worry a little bit more about your carbon footprint and a little bit less about mine.”
“But I paid extra. . .” starts tearing up.
“Ma’am I’m terribly sorry you got duped, but I have k-cups to brew and immediately throw the plastic shell into the garbage. Have an excellent day driving your pollution machine around the greater Raleigh-Durham area. Do you know where the spray deodorant is located? “

I’m not the one to randomly protest to. I’m just not the one. THE MACHINE WASN’T EVEN FOR ME.

the wookiee blog

"a droid don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose," but this wookiee does

Category: Uncategorized