When you gotta go. . .

It was hot.  I had consumed a few $12 beers and the headlining act (Dierks Bentley) was about to take the stage.  I was surrounded in the bathroom line by the reddest red-necks in the greater Raleigh-Durham area.  Everyone around me had a lip full of Skoal, a cheek full of Red-Man, was wearing overalls, jeans with boots, button-down plaid, belt buckles the size of dinner plates, hats the size of watermelons, or a bit of all of the above.  Oh, and camo…all of the camo.

It was even hotter in the bathroom.  There’s something about the concrete floors, the cinderblock walls, and concrete ceilings, combined with the sweaty bodies and the constant water flow that turns the bathrooms at the amphitheater into some sort of hellish sauna.  If it’s 90 degrees outside, it is easily 115 in the bathroom.

I really had to pee.

After waiting in line and then waiting for my turn to stand shoulder to shoulder with other men who needed to relieve themselves in the same way, a spot opened up and as I made my way (eyes forward) to the trough, I heard a distinctively female giggle coming from behind me and I looked to see to women come laughing out of a stall.  I laughed.  Several other men laughed.  I didn’t think much of it.

I get it.  I do.  The lines to the women’s restroom were easily three times as long and these girls were comfortable enough (or just had to go badly enough) to run into the men’s room, take care of their business and rush out.  They didn’t spend any time gawking, there didn’t appear to be any wandering eyes, there certainly wasn’t any touching going on, and it wasn’t made to be any sort of, “production.”  It just seemed as though they had to go, and didn’t want to wait.

I didn’t feel violated.  I didn’t feel anything.  I went to the restroom and didn’t really think much about it until I sat down to write this.  That wasn’t the first time I had experienced this, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last (especially not at Walnut Creek).

My state (North Carolina) has a real problem with that.  So much so, that we now have a House Bill (HB-2) that requires men and women to use the bathroom that their birth certificate states they should use (if you are born a male, you use the men’s room and if you are born a female, you use the women’s room).

Allegedly, we need this law to protect our citizens.  Ok, I hear you.  But from what?  “I don’t want no man following my little girl into the bathroom and touching on her in the bathroom!”  I agree good sir or madam.  I agree completely.  We don’t need that.  But that’s never happened.  Not once.  We don’t have a single recorded report/alleged report in the state of North Carolina where that’s happened.  No-one has been charged with that.  No-one has been convicted of that.  Therefore, that’s a pretty silly reason to make a law.

“It’s not natural.  Men shouldn’t want to use the women’s room, and women don’t belong in the men’s room.”  Ok.  That’s fair.

When I was young and learning to use, “sir” and “ma’am” my mom and step-dad made me flash cards with men and women of all ages on them and cards would be shown to me and I would respond with, “sir” or “ma’am” appropriately.  I’d like to play that game now. . .with you.

In North Carolina, which bathroom should the following be required to use?You said women’s room right?  because this individual’s birth certificate says female.  Ok that one was maybe tough.  Let’s try again. . .

                            If you didn’t say, “women’s room” you were wrong again. . .

                I’m guessing you don’t want this man following your little girl into the women’s room either, but that’s what he would be required to do in NC, as this man was also born a woman.  Here, let’s try this another way…

   This supermodel?  She would be required to use the men’s room in my state.

  This pretty lady would too.  Born a man–men’s room only for her.

  Finally!!  Women’s room!  Wait.  Nope. . .she gets to use the men’s restroom too.

  You getting the point yet?  Because this beauty is legally required to use the men’s room as well.

Is this what we want?  Is this the goal?  If it is, I think this brings a whole new set of problems.  How will you feel when one of the first three follow you, your daughter, your sister, your wife, or your mother into the women’s room?  How will you feel when any of the last four follow follow you, your son, your husband, your brother, your dad into the men’s room?

To me, this is much bigger than the “fear” of, “what could happen” in a bathroom (again, let’s keep in mind that it never has happened–I think if this is our path we should really consider legislation for which restroom Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster have to use–because, well, you never know).  This isn’t about that.  It’s about fear.  We are far too often afraid of what we don’t understand.  We don’t like it.  We don’t want to be associated with it.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist though.  That doesn’t mean we don’t have to rationally address it.

I hate chemistry.  You could probably even argue that I’m afraid of it.  I don’t get to bury my head in the sand about it though.  It exists.  It’s very real.  And, should I live my life in a similar fashion to many of my fine North Carolinians, I could mix a bunch of household chemicals together all at once to get a super-chemical to clean my toilets and end up severely hurt. . .

While that parallel seems funny to some and outlandish to others, it isn’t a too far off comparison.  Transgenders/Transsexuals are people.  Real people.  With real feelings.  They are our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends, our waiters and waitresses, we worship with them, eat with them, and *gasp* use the bathroom with them too.  And most of the time, we don’t even realize it.  That’s the point.  That’s always been the point. You would be uncomfortable seeing any of the above walking into the bathroom they don’t “look” like they belong in, and they would be equally uncomfortable being required to enter said restroom.  So why make it an issue?  To put an even finer point on it, who is checking?  Should we have someone checking birth certificates?  Should we have someone inspecting genitals?

What makes us great is our differences.  We don’t all believe the same things, we don’t all worship the same way, we don’t all have the same taste in movies, and we aren’t all attracted to the same people.  So what?  While I personally believe that my taste in craft beer is superior to yours, that doesn’t make you less of a person in my eyes (no matter how delusional I think you may be).  That’s your choice.

I don’t understand the “T” in the LGBT.  I don’t.  Truly.  It doesn’t make sense to me.  I can’t wrap my head around it.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  That doesn’t mean I get to dictate the lives of those who do get it. . .those who live it.  In fact, I feel that it is my duty as a citizen to defend that right–to fight for the “T’s” (and every other letter of the alphabet for that matter).  My lack of understanding doesn’t mean that I get to have a lack compassion or support.

This isn’t even the part of the bill that bothers me the most.  Here it is, and if you haven’t read it, do so–it’s short:  h2v1.  My biggest problem lies in page 4, line 26 in the underlined word we added to the already existing language:  “biological.”  What this means is that prior to this bill, North Carolina law made it illegal to discriminate (in hiring practices) on the basis of sex.  Now, it is only illegal to discriminate (in hiring practices) on the basis of biological sex.  This is a very important distinction.  This means that while it is illegal to discriminate in the hiring process on the basis of birth certificate sex, it is not illegal to discriminate on the basis of identified sex.  So, if the top picture above applies for a job in North Carolina and supplies documentation stating he is a legal female, that person can be denied employment based on that fact alone.  Forget qualifications, forget ability, forget desire…you can tell this person, “we aren’t hiring you” without repercussion because of the way they dress or live their life.

In 1953 you could make the same kind of determinations based on the color of someone’s skin.  It dictated where they could go to school, where they could eat, where they could use the restroom. . .  But, in 1954, Brown V. The Board of Education ended segregation as we knew it in the United States.  Segregation based on skin color was wrong, and we as a people, we did something about it.  This is not at all different from where I’m standing.  Segregration based on race, religious creed, socioeconomic status, weight, age. . . is wrong.  We know that.  We know that deep down.  Is sexual orientation or gender identification any different?  If you think so, I’d challenge you to tell me why.

This bill is costing our state.  Numerous concerts, broadway shows, conventions, corporate expansions, and sporting events have already cancelled their planned appearances in my state because of this bill.  States and companies have told their residents and employees to skip trips to NC all together.  This is costing us revenue.  This is costing us opportunity after opportunity (I have my own feelings on the legitimacy of this approach, but that’s for another post), and it is costing us real dollars.

We are better than this bill.  We are better than this treatment of others.  It’s time to fight this with our mouths and our dollars.  I urge you if you are as outraged as I am to do something about it.  There are fantastic groups you can volunteer with or donate to and I urge you to do so.  Call your representatives.  Express your disdain.  Vote to change this if given a chance, and if not, vote out the people that said this law was ok.

I don’t now, nor will I ever care where you pee.  But that isn’t really the point is it?